Resort Fees Are UnAmerican And Should Be Banned By Every Branch Of The Government!

Look at this shit. I am sick of paying (expensing) for hotels with a resort fee. 40 dollars a night? For what? A free bottle of water that was filtered by local limestone? Hardly seems worth it.

I understand if you’re going to a place like where I vacation. Hawaii with a beachside pool, spa, and swim-up bar? Fine. Disney World with 3 family pools equipped with slides, floats, and pool-side wait staff? Ok. That makes sense but I’ve been to this hotel before. They have NOTHING like that. There’s a decent bar/restaurant but nothing even close to what would be considered worth the resort fee.

There should be a government-mandated list of amenities in order to call yourself a fucking resort. 4-star hotel? Sure. Throw that name around as much as you want but the moment, and I mean the moment, you start charging a per-night resort fee is the moment you better lay the fucking cards out there for the consumer to see.

“Chaps! Chaps! What would a place like that look like?”

For instance, on Sundays, there should be a Jazz Brunch, where the hotel transforms the dining room into a buffet-style food emporium with a raw bar featuring fresh seafood, a crêpe station and more.

The hotel should also offer a Mercedes-Benz program, which allows guests to rent out cars for use during their stay. It’s a great alternative to renting a car and offers guests a luxurious way to explore the area and local sites.

I’d also like to see a hotel-specific library where 120 handpicked locals, who resonate with staff, would have each chosen a selection of books that would be featured on the bookshelves. There’s nothing like reading local fiction and I think any traveler would agree.

I better have top-of-the-line soaps. There better be pre-toothpasted brushes in individual packages on the sink. 2 per night. One for at night and one for in the morning. God help you if there’s no plush robe that’s hanged nicely on the rack via a WOODEN hanger. Plastic? What am I, hanging my robe on the same material as a fucking straw? Ew, David.

Resort fees. Bullshit but I aint gonna spend any more time on it because every three weeks a person in North Queensland is torn to pieces by a crocodile.